Artistic competition v0.1 (beta)

[utter]

c'mon dudes - wher's yer poems?

[Maculatus]

She stood there, right in front of me,
she looked hotter then in my memory.

Feelings descended,
She looked offended.

She was a part of my history


I couldn't help to stare at her,
Emotions fully at a stir.

Thinking at the past, doing her pain,
our relation, ment to be a broken chain.

I loved her so much, so much in the past,
Even when i knew our love wouldn't last.

Two people, two thoughts and two in one world,
But one love in two individuals, beeing curled.

She thought me how to love, how to be in love
to have a relationship, to be a part of.

Eventually it had to happen, we broke apart,
we both made a fresh, a fresh new start.

But your first love will never be forgotten,
Memories will stay in silk white cotton.

I walked towards her and she saw me,
Could it be, could "us" be again "we"?

But for her no recognition,
for her no memory.........................

For the second time.....she left me.......
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some background information:

I love to make poems, i did this from when i was a child.
But it's hard to make a poem in a foreign language.
I had some help from:
http://www.rhymezone.com (search for rhyme words) and http://babelfish.altavista.com (translation)
The pic is from a random gothic girl i made a few years ago, the chain is googled.

I know this poem isn't high class but i think it's good enough to post here.
(to be honest, i am proud i made my first poem in a foreign language)

[Buzz]

Maculatus: why don't you write in Dutch? It's a fine language...
In general I would like to point out to aspiring poets that, the less words you use, the less mistakes you are likely to make. Try and put your thought in as few words as you can. Less might be more (thong-lovers will agree).
I'm not trying to put you down. I am offering some advice, pure and simple.

How about something less serious?

I saw this chick
She had the hick
ups - apart from that
She was pretty fat.

[Maculatus]

Maculatus: why don't you write in Dutch? It's a fine language...

I think it's a fine language too but i don't think a lot of people here would know what i mean

[utter]

*SNIFF* that was beautiful Maculatus!

[Buzz]

Here's a little thing Elvis could have sung...

I told my baby I had to go
Pointed my car toward the Alamo
Grandiose as she was in the sack,
I really needed my freedom back.

She didn't cry & to my surprise
She aimed her gun right between my eyes
And this cute honey, dressed in lace,
Proceeded to shoot me in the face.

So now I'm up here in the sky
Looking down as the girls walk by
Candidly I stare at the beaches
Wish I could reach out, touch them peaches...

[Maculatus]

Even if she was the last creature on this planet,
Even when my feelings are of granite.

Even when i am horny as a toad,
I still would blow my load,

In a hollow treetrunk

And that's how deep i sunk............

[Maculatus]

Ehmmm.....

Utter, i don't think this Artistic Competition is gonna be very succesfull

[utter]

it's ok Maculatus, I was just testing the water with this one to see if there would be any reaction at all - I'm actually quite impressed that anyone has bothered to enter

[ds_xxx]

Hay Caravan

Hooves fallen silent
Under the jet planes roaring
The caravan rides

ds_xxx